Have I really thought about giving it a try to come up with something normal..what I mean is eventually this..I have come across lots and lots of styles of writing..well that's what motivated me at the beginning to start writing...I was reading a lot of blogs eversince I landed up in Lapierre's City of Joy in April...Iraq was burning blue...heard Burn it Blue from Frida's soundtrack?? ...eventually something like it - we are digressing again...i mean me..myself and my numb finger..my lines from here might take a swift turn because i had left it on to take care of receipts for a bon-voyage..it is not on a pleasure trip that I have planned for this winter ahead...an agent had come from the tourmaker agency to drop down my brother's return ticket to 'SILLY'guri....now giving myself a knee jerk just to remind what was i talking about? - reading blogs and stylised writings to inspire me enough to start writing...well at the beginning i was reading more and more of them to hear beyond the ear...to know something with a shape of mind gone unbound. Slowly as i picked up pace to pen the thoughts down, the more i dwelved on them...the more did it turn out to be poetic dreams of despair where most of the linguistic centered around verbatim of an illicit order...some of them were taking rounds and rounds in the same direction. As i glimpse through the past few months and my work overboard the more do i notice a repeatition in it. The idea of getting inspiration is no doubt a noble one, be it copying down templates to give my weblog a look of something I strive to make it look for or be it the style of putting words down to form a coherent sentence! - but the thought and practicality of writing something to draw in comparisons and be praised for started killing me and affected my way of putting the ideas clear. I noticed I was writing for its sake and not truly with a feeling within, I was doing things because others have done and hence shown me a path to follow and be praised as they have for...but that was where I went wrong and on top of that I started grumbling about it and came up with more gibberish thoughts. The feeling of being a ambidextrous fella with the thoughts perverted up thy soul like a phlegm is really nervewracking enough to give both my thoughts and stylised concepts a break. There was a time when I kept posting thrice-four times a day and kept getting back at my blog just to see whether people have poured in to give my blog a roll or not..i was coming up with ideas to put up with banners to give it a shiny look but amidst a whole gamut of issues I was truly losing the meaning to writing up my inner thoughts freely at this virtual space. No I had not come here to display my talents and show it every tresspasser to hear...read...look up for to cheer me up with a good..bad...ugly pat but the little stray of my confused thoughts purged up in a soulless mind tore me apart and I lost the spirit. Even as I am writing these lines I might sound repeatitive at the corners down every bend but i do not care for it at all. Life for the last seven months has been like a tilt-a-whirl tour for me..the more i step on the ride..the more does it jolt me out to throw far away from the madding crowd and lead a life of my own but the each and every time i walk on the streets and drive a car the distant imagery seems like a roller coaster ride to me and my vision turns blurry. There are a randomized series of arithmetic thoughts churning up my young blood for 24 hours round the clock but I seldom try to rise up the ladder and liberate myself to be free from the soul. At times I have tried to capture the moments of a potrait never carved out in the canvas of polaroid dreams through my lenses and write a thought provoking passage to follow with it but nothing seems to grasp me from within and hold me back to rest on my grandfather's armchair and think about who I truly am while it rocks me from within. Is it the care I lack or my inability to communicate with those who are close to me yet not so to be able to see them through? - I think I am just getting too many thoughts clogged up in my mind and before I go nerd again on that I would like to pull a red dot to stop by and pump in the fuel to get back with a fresh adrenaline rush blowing to fill the air within...
P.S Initially when I had started to write I din't have the intention to sound this way but my crackspot brain helped me enough to indulge in this stupid process again...I know it'll improve slowly with the passage of time...yep! - i know you are there to support as you read it and go taaow.. on a perplexed note!!
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